3rd February 2012

Today is just a fine Friday. After someone said that he had his shift from 2 till 10 pm, I thought he would write to me right after his work. But, he wrote back quite late after midnight! Wow, it was such a shock and of course who would not be touched by such words. And of course, as agreed, we would write to each other everyday, just that sometimes, may be because of some constraints, he would not write to me. Well, for sure, we could not totally put our trust on something, but well, I will trust him half and another half, will be left for trials.

Anyway, I'm so happy to receive every single message from him. They make up my days! Secret!! Xu......

1st February 2012

Almost the first half day I was so happy, because someone sent me a message! Well, I could say my characteristics really fit to be a pisces, like day dreaming and romantics......Those things, in my perception, can be accepted by in people's eyes, I'm unrealistic, very fake, virtual......A single message itself could bring me up to the mountain top or drag me to the bottom of the mountain. When I'm happy, I'm more productive, but still behind others', I know that! But what to do, my skin is itchy and has got red rashes on the joints! It's hard to sustain in such a way!

Well, later at around 7pm, we will be going for an office dinner at Sim Sim 88 and I don't really have any idea on where this place is, so better I follow other's car. That is more secured. I'm not so excited about this dinner. I think I'm more excited to receive positive messages than the rest of the things in my life. Positive messages really could help to boost my energy, and I just don't really understand why, though the messages are not true from the bottom of the heart.

One night, it was such a great coincidence that the TV was on and the program was about the collaboration of three countries, namely China, Malaysia and Vietnam! They combined the cultures together, but they are really a good combination because most of them are similar. Wow! Such a good coincidence of where to find such kinds that I never experienced before, not until we went to Vietnam for short vacation. I so wished the vacation period could be longer but it ended up only one week. I hope our next vacation to back to Vietnam can be sooner!

So wish we could be in Vietnam for Tet =( But what if I work there? haha!! Then, at anytime, I could be there =)

5th Day of Chinese New Year

Yup, today has been the 5th day of Chinese New Year. The year of Dragon has been bringing a lot of rainfalls. Almost everyday, it has been raining like this, it makes my heart cold. Very few people coming back to work, at least for the 2 days before, here in the office had been sooo quiet! And thus, I had been doing some studies on the history and people of Vietnam. For some reasons, I started to love this country a lot, though it might not be the best and the most favourable. I have found the good and evil part of this country. During the Christmas Year 2011, we, as a family had gone to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam for a vacation. For the first choice, of course I would, and my parents would choose to fly to Hanoi, as I told my parents that my nominal sister is there, ready to tour us. But finally it turned out to be Hanoi as our destination instead though in between, we had discussed to fly to Da Nang. Well, I would say fate brought us there.
Ho Chi Minh, for the first impression it gave me, was dirty and in mess, not organised and the level of education is quite low, compared to Malaysia's. Well, I should be doing my work now, but the figures just made me so nausea and I couldn't stop myself diverted to other type of things. I should change my bad habit!
Well, it's okay and fine. We had very hard time to get ourselves to understand how we could express ourselves to the locals. Of course, in the Duc Vuong Hotel that we stayed, we had no much obstacle in expressing ourselves and understanding them. But, when we stepped out, things just went haywire, especially when we wanted to buy things and tried our best we could to bargain for the best prices.
About traffic system, it was just sooo frightening and stunning! Almost everyday, we had to take deep breathe before crossing the road! And furthermore, the pedestrian paths were not made specially for pedestrians but for the bikes as well! Everyday, uncounttable bikes went here and there, dragging our hearts away! Wow!! Such an adventurous trip we had! But, finally, I started to love the traffic system there, and when coming back to Sandakan, I just feel want to sleep everyday. Here, the life has been sooo dull and makes me even no mood to do my stressful work!
The vegetables and fruits in Vietnam are so blessed! Not like here, we hardly could find things that are edible by human! No wonder those ladies in Vietnam have been, all the while, being regarded as angels and devils! People in Vietnam that we found have been so nice and kind and polite as well! I found in the net that they treat their families very well, their families education are just like the Chinese's, and I think it has got to do with the influence Chinese had implanted so many years ago.
Well, I'm so happy I got to know some new friends in this trip and some of them, I still keep in touch with, and some, I think they just have forgotten us. Of course, the almost only one that I'm so concern now, I wish he could keep on giving me messages. For one more reason for this, I hope he could successfully complete his university course and could improve his English! All the Best to Him!

21th August, Sunday

Last Sunday, we went to church, but not as usual, my mom got food poison, and hence she stayed at home with dark face. Well, this week, my dad caught a cough and looks so uncomfortable and so well, my mom, with an unexpressible face, with an unshakeable stand, told us not to go church. It naturally means that I would not be able to teach in the youth sunday school. I felt soooo sorry for the Wieland's as they are doing their best to keep us in the church. I am sooo disappointing them, I know so well.

The whole day, I have been feeling so strengthless, and I have to admit, it is whole week. I was grateful that I was able to accomplish something in the office yesterday so that I won't have to feel so panic in front of the managers before the course. This morning, my mom wanted to go and have blood check but we woke up so late because we didn't have to go to church as ordered by mom. Then, the whole day has been so dull and now I'm blogging. But I think I have done something pleasing my mom, I 'd washed all the clothings, not by machine, but by bare hands, and washed the toilet using the used detergent water. So well that she's our Queen, I got to obey her.

Then, how's my work now? It's hard for me to breath!! Tomorrow is Monday again, my mom got to be busy again, preparing food for her princesses ><

Crap

As always, I've been longing for the weekend to come, which indicates my off-days for the tiring week. These few days, I have been busy of tidying up my works before passing up to the hidden dragon, but unfortunately, I was not able to complete within my budgeted time, and she told me to do maximum 80 hours, so I said to myself, there would not be a problem for me to achieve that level, but then day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute, it seems I was getting closer and closer to the limit!! How could I be sooo slow, I just could not believe and she's coming back tomorrow again. I put my trust on the cute typist that she be able to complete the flawless piece of accounts before I could compile them together and send it for the first review, and the important point here is the directors will not be here starting by the early of September and it certainly means that I should speed up my pace and also in clearing off my files for storage!! That is another problem again. There are so many, almost countless things for me to do, confirmation to be chased up, finishing the file storage questionnaires, finishing the stock reportsss, and start on assisting my seniors......I almost could not focus myself on one most primary thing first. My dad always say that I'm entirely weak in arranging my schedule, and of course till now, still the same old me.

Fast Sunday, today has come. I thought today I could go and teach......and still, my mom told us to wake up earlier today to go exercise. Well, if I had been so disciplined and put the last night touching Korean movie aside, then I would have been able to wake up early to do exercise as wished and could even manage to go to church. Things just went haywire. Me and my sister just spending our sweet time watching the unfolding touching Korean movie until what time? It's close to 2 o clock. Well, I said to myself, maybe there is a maybe afterwards. Then wait, Sunday came, and I didn't prepare anything for the lesson, poor yougsters over there, they were being aborted again, by this useless crap!!!!

Well then, in the morning, of course we didn't prepare ourselves to go exercise, my mom is entirely dark faced, grilled and deep fried!! Then, another thing, my sister left herself upstairs reading book that can upright the moral characters, after having a quarrel with me, and I didn't even bother to quarrel with her. Well, I'm a crap again. I hope I could rectify these problemsss.......Things just go further like a rolling snowball, it just gets bigger and bigger, it's going to be an endless story and every finger will be just pointing on me, and the worst thing today was I spilled my entire green apple avocado juice, which my mom has prepared carefully and with love but also with dark-faced. Well, the only thing I could say about her is her mood is already not here since we didn't get ourselves ready for exercise. If I had prepared the lesson some more in advance, she'll be even over-cooked on her face!! Then, because I didn't wake up early, everything just swept from my plan!! Let's wait and see if I could even make it for the piano lesson tonight and the coming week. My heavenly father has spared me a lot of chances but I just could not satisfy his simple requirements!!!! So sad........

2 Augustine 2011

These two weeks, I have been doing February Year End estate job. It's much like a formal estate job because I got to do the estate workers' remuneration analysis. The most frustrated part is they don't tie back to the ledger, and the only I think I could do is by using most of the information from ledger rather than from the workers' payroll as computed by the client. Then, very sadly soon after I started this job, I fell sick, and very tired, everday is like dragging a dead body to office and back home, there's no livelihood in me. And plus, he really seldom speak to me, even didn't bid me when I was just by his side!! Didn't he realise roughly who was standing by his side when doing something which needs high and concentrate attention? And.......it's ok but at least a reply on the phone is expected and it's short of expectation by this sense.

Anyway, I'm always number one in my family, the most important and the most special who should be given the most love. Parents are always loving in spite of their cruelty sometimes (it's always negligible when the love is so great). My mom, because of the love she has for us, wakes up every early in the morning to prepare breakfast and even lunch for us to bring to school and office. Everytime I take this food to office, I just always want to say how much I appreciate her love towards me, and my to my dad as well, as so far in my life, I haven't done something which is so proud enough to be presented to them, regardless of the past victory I have achieved. That's why, I always could laugh with sunshine despite of anything that could make me so sad and desperate and down. This is me! Sometimes, I'm hard to be predicted, and sometimes easily cheated, and sometimes pathetique......Anyway, that's all for today.

Well, what did I do on Saturday (30/7/2011)? I cut my own hair, quite satisfied on the first try, looks a bit like octopus?!

25 JuLy 2011

Dear Monday, would you please let me have time to rest more? One tiring week has gone, and the job I had requested one, is just sitting here, not much changes yet, sad......I have always been hoping that yes, I have done this below my budgeted time, but the fact is, I couldn't!! The one that did this audit last year was I think, by observation so far, an efficient one. Can I be a quarter of hers? Hopefully.

The last whole week, I've been busy on completing my Dec Year End jobs and now turned out that one more file left not yet approved by partner. But anyway, it's a great relief that I have finished my side income job, which is a very torturing job, I would consider it as. I love to write but at least not that urgent, please......plus, the fee received is only enough to spend for 1 week or two, and it's so frustrating that my brother didn't have much to do about lift up the fee a bit because he had agreed at the fee at the first place. Turning his head away means cheating! Well, just to tolerate a bit, as my brother has been so busy also, and it's kinda fair that I've delegate portion of the works to him, so I won't have to crack my entire head for the job. So, I consider it as segregation of duties that brings the better works.

So now, I hope I could focus much on this job so that it won't drag me 2 weeks to finish it, at least to be faster after I've done so many jobs so far, and people are always expecting a better me, and very weird to say that I could not exert more, lack of momentum!! And I didn't attend church meeting yesterday! I didn't teach in the Sunday School! Plus, I didn't say Goodbye to dear Nathan by my mouth!! That's a punishment for me?