These days, I've been used to have him around in life. But, now, he's gone, I understood that because it must be a day for him to leave, as he has a special and important task to be accomplished. I wish he knows how I feel. The day just went blue, so as my heart, freezed for a while and came back alive.
I can't really tell what kind of feeling is this. Mom first time saw me having a hug with a male and she said I've improved and it seems I'm a lesbian!! My gosh!! I still remembered I really enjoyed somebody gave me something to eat and treated me so nicely, and sat so close to me. This is a "her"! Her name is Charlyn, if I have spelled this right. She used to treat me just like husband giving love to wife. I don't know even till now, whether she treated me as her wife or husband. But for sure, she's a lesbian as she gave me text messages every night without fail and suddenly she messaged me how I felt about her and she was disappointed that I only treated her like ordinary friend! From that day onwards, she never called me or messaged me anymore.....erm......She's nice if only she's normal! Then, after that there was a boy kept IM me every night, and I just knew that he has some special feeling on me but maybe the way I responded to him gave him a little hope but then dimmed out, so we didn't make that relationship further. Then, afterwards, came another guy again and this loves to drink liquor so much. He's arrogant, proud, not gentle but exceptional for me. I knew, from his words, he really wanted to further the relationship but because I don't like him, thus this was eliminated also! It's kinda cruel but I think it would be fair for both of us, at least not a long grief. So, essentially, I can be described as lone ranger all these while......
Then, came this one, which is exceptionally sweet, but I think most of the people of their kinds are nice and gentle. He was brave enough to accept challenge. Probably this has become part of his adventurous life. If I were him, I wouldn't have done that, perhaps, just to avoid any problem to be born. But I certainly like this kind of attitude. It's a Man's attitude. Compared me, I would have been avoiding any conversation with someone who's in great anger!
However, I could only, for the time being, have his image saved in laptop and in brain. My brain has been storing all kinds of things but I will sort out those which worth to be stored. Will I meet him again? I think yes, but it's going to be a riddle in my life! Let's wait and see!
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