It's a matter of fighting, not really physically but involves a great deal of mental war. It's a tiny pay and yet it is so challenging. Our minds have to be especially clear on what we are doing at all the time. That's the work of an auditor! It's a curse and I learnt this word from University course, the Greyhound and this is a very sensitive dog. Its sensing power is so great that even a very tiny bag of drugs can be detected. And obviously we are equated to Greyhound by the people in surrounding us. For very small mistake, it could have snowball effect that will bring to a great adverse effect!! Thus, the blame is always on our wrongdoing, our poor focusing power and what not. I feel relieved when in a day client won't call me, manager won't chase after my files and partner won't tell me anything which is not nice.
Reaching home, I got to face a gloomy and evil face of my sister. She has turned into a cold lady, even colder than the winter time in Moscow, it's more than negative 500 degree celsius!! She's almost as bloodless as a dracula!! Everything that we talked to her were either not reponded or replied with a rude way of speaking. This is already a different character in her, just like Mr. Hyde!! I knew in myself, or assumed to know something that she has fallen in love with one guy which is hard to reach? I myself actually knew this much earlier on but kept quiet as ehm ehm....I myself do like him too but think that our relationship is hard to be defined as I think that he doesn't like me as his lover? Very complicated mind. I need to put my thought at rest. It has been a great struggling going on in my mind all these while. I've turned old because of this!! I think this might be the first time I have such kinds of feeling......He has always tried to treat me just like his own sister and is that exceeding the border if I had that kinds of special feeling on him? Am I too evil to think about this? Or better just let it bygone be bygone.....as written by famous writer william Shakespear.
All these things have blended together to form my great stress. I'm not even doing on a big job, why can't I do them better, so that these group of people are impressed with my performance? From primary school onwards, I had been nominated as a model student. There's no way teachers and principal could find out my deficiency. Somehow and not expected, my life now at work is totally the other way round! I was totally blown off! The only simplest way I could relieve myself is to attach myself to my most beloved. He is readily available for me to sooth my temper and down feeling, except if the line tangled on his neck! Haha.....so, I'm so proud to be a pretty classical lady =)
Today is already Friday. So, I won't expect myself to be able to write anything not until next Monday. And Firday means I will have to prepare my sunday school class. I haven't checked what topic I'm going to teach but will try my best to improve by each lesson being delivered. Hopefully it is helping me to work towards a better me and to be ready of any challenge in the future, of course including mission that I'm planning now =)
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